Couples Trauma Therapy
Is your relationship ready for some new dance steps?
Is Couples Therapy Right for Us?
Couples Therapy is not recommended for all struggling couples. In fact, sometimes, in certain circumstances, couples therapy can do more harm than good. This is because therapy is a process that only yields growth producing results in the context of a safe environment. When relationships are not safe, the same fears and expectations that are present at home will exist in the therapy room as well. It may not be possible to truly explore who each person is and how to grow together.
Here are a few questions to help with considering this:
- Are you both on the same page about seeking help?
- Is there or has there ever been violence (whether physical, emotional, sexual or spiritual) in your relationship?
- Do you feel safe with each other?
- Are you both willing to consider your own part in the current negative pattern?
- How hopeful do you feel about your relationship?
How Trauma Therapy for Couples
is Different
Survival depends on working together
In couples trauma therapy, our priority is to grow compassion for one another's unique experience, help clients to rediscover safety with each other, reprocess unresolved trauma, and establish a solid foundation for moving forward together. Depending on the unique needs of each couple, sessions may be held together or separately. Often, however, more individual sessions are helpful, especially for the reprocessing of past trauma.
And, both partners need to be willing to risk; to be open and honest with themselves and with their partner. Therapists do not fix relationships. They can set the conditions necessary for growth. But it's the couples who have to do the work.
How Does it Work?
It might feel a bit awkward at first...
Basically, couples therapy is one way of finding and re-working a negative pattern of relating to one another. To use the dance step analogy, it's like learning to salsa when you have previously only ever done line dancing. As our kids were growing up, they often heard us say, "Its a little scary, but a lot of fun!" Life is boring and relationships don't work when you stick with the moves you've always known. As life adds new experiences and challenges, couples will inevitably find themselves out of step, both with themselves and with each other.
